"I played my last game of hardball in the Dominican Republic."
See my essay The End of Sandlot in the Noe Valley Voice of June 2014. San Francisco was a great baseball town.
In the photo of the soon to be Upper Noe Valley Rec Center is a ten year old Michael Monahan looking directly at the camera. He was an outstanding ball player.
My stepson is burnt out, I’ve heard him say multiple times of last year that he doesn’t wanna play anymore. But then his father and his grandfather basically told him that he’s making a mistake and that he needs us to get into college, even though the boy is smart and has aspirations to be an engineer. And then he’s back into it. They have him doing extra lessons during the week in addition to his three team practices during the school week, and on weeks that he goes to his mom‘s house from Friday to Sunday, he has zero nights after school during the week to just chill at home or be with friends. I’ve been advocating for him the entire time, but it only brings the arguments between me and my husband, and when my stepson does flip back to wanting to play baseball, he will tell me to my face that he never said he didn’t wanna play, basically calling me a liar. For his sake and mine, I hope he quits or doesn’t make the high school team in a few months.
Thank you for sharing this…and for being your stepson’s advocate and listening to him. That's not a small thing, given what you described, even when it feels thankless.
What you're describing is one of the hardest positions for a parent. You can see what's happening, and the people who should be listening aren't. And when he turns around and contradicts what he told you — that's a kid who's learned to survive in the middle of competing adult agendas. And I’m sure he goes back and forth between wanting to play and wanting to walk away. He will eventually sort it out.
Keep following your gut and know you're not alone in this.
I see this exact thing in climbing. Kids 11 years old obsessed, living for the sport then somewhere around 13 or 14, poof. The fire just… dims.
What you said about the 33% who stay? That’s the part I keep coming back to. They’re not the most talented. They’re the ones where the adults made it worth staying.
Not winning. Worth staying.
I’ve been on both sides of that line. Pushed too hard. Backed off too late.
We don’t own their dreams. We just get to be good stewards of them for a little while.
"We don't own their dreams. We just get to be good stewards of them for a little while." That's the whole thing right there. Thank you for this — and for making the connection to climbing. The sport doesn't matter. The dynamic is the same everywhere.
Great piece. I have 2 boys, 17 and 14, a junior and a freshman. The junior is a September baby so that's the reason for the 3 year age gap but the two grade gap. Older boy a pitcher/shortstop with 5 years of travel ball under his belt. Younger boy a pitcher/catcher. Older boy played freshman team, JV last year, Varsity this year. Really good player with solid D1 potential who has wanted to play college ball since he started. Last year on JV had a breakout year, including hitting as well. This year on varsity he struggled through arm pain during the tryouts, his pitching got back to normal after a few starts, they played him almost exclusively as a PO and as the season is ending it seems like he's lost the fire, has talked about not playing travel this summer and unsure about going back to HS ball as a senior. Younger brother played freshman team after not even wanting to try out, had a great season and got his own fire back. A lot to unpack as a dad who only wants the best for his boys, a lot of sadness for my older son, even though I do think he'll at least go back to HS ball for his senior year.
It’s tough, especially at that level where there’s so few spots, when you look up and see other kids cementing their roles ahead of you as you’re trying to recover from injury. Not easy. I’m sure if he doubles down and pushes through there will be rewards for him after high school. You sound like you’ve got it covered on your end which is great. He will need you regardless of what he decides to do. And your other boy—sounds like all is breaking his way. Hope that continues. Good luck to both of them!
The travel sports economy has hurt kids in a number of ways, including the idea that failure is something to be immediately fixed rather than an inherent part of the game. I see teens go 0-4 and their parents are on speed dial during the game to their private hitting coach to set up an emergency session. Kids who jump from team to team in travel ball. New bats, $100 batting gloves, all of it filtering the game through a series of financial transactions. With coaches and parents and "experts" at the forefront of the game, rather than the players.
Everyone knows that travel baseball games are essentially meaningless, except for the sales pitch of individual development and exposure. That is baseball without a soul, and of course kids can feel it.
In most communities, baseball as an experience shifts for the worse after little league. That's why kids drop out.
We’re dropping the satire pretense for a moment: the gap between high school sports and early club sports is the lack of well-supported middle school sports. High school sports is passionate because of the institutional stakes and rivalries: “Be True To Your School”. Early club/regional sports - perhaps - but “The Club” is a much smaller entity than “The School”.
From our point of view, we don’t see much happening at the early adolescent, middle school level that allows the kids to actively participate. Sure, they can cheer on the local high school, but that doesn’t teach them how to handle pressure when THEY are the ones in the arena. And if there’s a three-year gap, you’re going to lose some kids who might otherwise be solid contributors on a middle school team.
This is a really sharp observation. The middle school gap is real and underappreciated. Travel ball tries to fill it but it's expensive, exclusive, and doesn't carry the same identity and belonging that school sports do. You're right that "The Club" doesn't hit the same as "The School." And a lot of middle schools either don't offer sports at all or what they do offer isn't preparing kids for the jump to high school. The kids who fall through that gap often don't find their way back.
Getting back to the point, club sports are really good at sucking you - and your money - in and getting good development and playing experience in return (for more, see our hard-hitting satirical journalism). But at a certain point I think that the kids start to feel as though they want the roar of the crowd, not just from Mom and Dad, and can you blame them? 99% of them are going to top out in middle school and high school, and they know it, so they might as well get that roar where and while they can.
So, as we said, if there’s no middle school teams and they don’t want to - or cannot afford to - play club, then it’s over. PlayStation sports it is…
"The roar of the crowd" — that's it. And you're right, most of them know instinctively that the window is limited. They want to feel what it feels like to play in front of people who care before it's over. When the institutional infrastructure isn't there to give them that, PlayStation starts to look pretty good. Can't say I blame them.
Not all the soul has been stripped away but a lot of it. I see the same reactions from some parents, adding pressure and making the game harder. The irony is, if they just stood back and enjoyed all these moments and showed support and trusted their kid, he/she would perform better...which is what they want. Appreciate you sharing your perspective. Thank you!
Agreed. There has been a massive shift in focus from the present game/season to some future goal. Kids are encouraged to grind through another unpleasant travel baseball season as they work toward a college scholarship. But parents have no idea how college baseball works today.
The reality is that playing high school baseball with your friends against actual rivals in games that matter is going to be the highlight of their sports experience.
"I played my last game of hardball in the Dominican Republic."
See my essay The End of Sandlot in the Noe Valley Voice of June 2014. San Francisco was a great baseball town.
In the photo of the soon to be Upper Noe Valley Rec Center is a ten year old Michael Monahan looking directly at the camera. He was an outstanding ball player.
He was KIA in the Central Highlands in 1967.
My stepson is burnt out, I’ve heard him say multiple times of last year that he doesn’t wanna play anymore. But then his father and his grandfather basically told him that he’s making a mistake and that he needs us to get into college, even though the boy is smart and has aspirations to be an engineer. And then he’s back into it. They have him doing extra lessons during the week in addition to his three team practices during the school week, and on weeks that he goes to his mom‘s house from Friday to Sunday, he has zero nights after school during the week to just chill at home or be with friends. I’ve been advocating for him the entire time, but it only brings the arguments between me and my husband, and when my stepson does flip back to wanting to play baseball, he will tell me to my face that he never said he didn’t wanna play, basically calling me a liar. For his sake and mine, I hope he quits or doesn’t make the high school team in a few months.
Thank you for sharing this…and for being your stepson’s advocate and listening to him. That's not a small thing, given what you described, even when it feels thankless.
What you're describing is one of the hardest positions for a parent. You can see what's happening, and the people who should be listening aren't. And when he turns around and contradicts what he told you — that's a kid who's learned to survive in the middle of competing adult agendas. And I’m sure he goes back and forth between wanting to play and wanting to walk away. He will eventually sort it out.
Keep following your gut and know you're not alone in this.
Thank you! :) He definitely has a lot of people pulling him in different directions, from his dad’s side, his mom’s side, etc.
Powerful piece!
I see this exact thing in climbing. Kids 11 years old obsessed, living for the sport then somewhere around 13 or 14, poof. The fire just… dims.
What you said about the 33% who stay? That’s the part I keep coming back to. They’re not the most talented. They’re the ones where the adults made it worth staying.
Not winning. Worth staying.
I’ve been on both sides of that line. Pushed too hard. Backed off too late.
We don’t own their dreams. We just get to be good stewards of them for a little while.
Thank you for this.
"We don't own their dreams. We just get to be good stewards of them for a little while." That's the whole thing right there. Thank you for this — and for making the connection to climbing. The sport doesn't matter. The dynamic is the same everywhere.
Great piece. I have 2 boys, 17 and 14, a junior and a freshman. The junior is a September baby so that's the reason for the 3 year age gap but the two grade gap. Older boy a pitcher/shortstop with 5 years of travel ball under his belt. Younger boy a pitcher/catcher. Older boy played freshman team, JV last year, Varsity this year. Really good player with solid D1 potential who has wanted to play college ball since he started. Last year on JV had a breakout year, including hitting as well. This year on varsity he struggled through arm pain during the tryouts, his pitching got back to normal after a few starts, they played him almost exclusively as a PO and as the season is ending it seems like he's lost the fire, has talked about not playing travel this summer and unsure about going back to HS ball as a senior. Younger brother played freshman team after not even wanting to try out, had a great season and got his own fire back. A lot to unpack as a dad who only wants the best for his boys, a lot of sadness for my older son, even though I do think he'll at least go back to HS ball for his senior year.
It’s tough, especially at that level where there’s so few spots, when you look up and see other kids cementing their roles ahead of you as you’re trying to recover from injury. Not easy. I’m sure if he doubles down and pushes through there will be rewards for him after high school. You sound like you’ve got it covered on your end which is great. He will need you regardless of what he decides to do. And your other boy—sounds like all is breaking his way. Hope that continues. Good luck to both of them!
The travel sports economy has hurt kids in a number of ways, including the idea that failure is something to be immediately fixed rather than an inherent part of the game. I see teens go 0-4 and their parents are on speed dial during the game to their private hitting coach to set up an emergency session. Kids who jump from team to team in travel ball. New bats, $100 batting gloves, all of it filtering the game through a series of financial transactions. With coaches and parents and "experts" at the forefront of the game, rather than the players.
Everyone knows that travel baseball games are essentially meaningless, except for the sales pitch of individual development and exposure. That is baseball without a soul, and of course kids can feel it.
In most communities, baseball as an experience shifts for the worse after little league. That's why kids drop out.
We’re dropping the satire pretense for a moment: the gap between high school sports and early club sports is the lack of well-supported middle school sports. High school sports is passionate because of the institutional stakes and rivalries: “Be True To Your School”. Early club/regional sports - perhaps - but “The Club” is a much smaller entity than “The School”.
From our point of view, we don’t see much happening at the early adolescent, middle school level that allows the kids to actively participate. Sure, they can cheer on the local high school, but that doesn’t teach them how to handle pressure when THEY are the ones in the arena. And if there’s a three-year gap, you’re going to lose some kids who might otherwise be solid contributors on a middle school team.
This is a really sharp observation. The middle school gap is real and underappreciated. Travel ball tries to fill it but it's expensive, exclusive, and doesn't carry the same identity and belonging that school sports do. You're right that "The Club" doesn't hit the same as "The School." And a lot of middle schools either don't offer sports at all or what they do offer isn't preparing kids for the jump to high school. The kids who fall through that gap often don't find their way back.
Every now and then we get an observation right… ;)
Our advisor would scream if I didn’t shamelessly ask for a subscription (it’s free, always will be).
Done!
Thanks!
Getting back to the point, club sports are really good at sucking you - and your money - in and getting good development and playing experience in return (for more, see our hard-hitting satirical journalism). But at a certain point I think that the kids start to feel as though they want the roar of the crowd, not just from Mom and Dad, and can you blame them? 99% of them are going to top out in middle school and high school, and they know it, so they might as well get that roar where and while they can.
So, as we said, if there’s no middle school teams and they don’t want to - or cannot afford to - play club, then it’s over. PlayStation sports it is…
"The roar of the crowd" — that's it. And you're right, most of them know instinctively that the window is limited. They want to feel what it feels like to play in front of people who care before it's over. When the institutional infrastructure isn't there to give them that, PlayStation starts to look pretty good. Can't say I blame them.
Not all the soul has been stripped away but a lot of it. I see the same reactions from some parents, adding pressure and making the game harder. The irony is, if they just stood back and enjoyed all these moments and showed support and trusted their kid, he/she would perform better...which is what they want. Appreciate you sharing your perspective. Thank you!
Agreed. There has been a massive shift in focus from the present game/season to some future goal. Kids are encouraged to grind through another unpleasant travel baseball season as they work toward a college scholarship. But parents have no idea how college baseball works today.
The reality is that playing high school baseball with your friends against actual rivals in games that matter is going to be the highlight of their sports experience.
Great piece
Thank you! Appreciate that.