Before this week’s essay, a quick thank you to three people who have leaned in to support this newsletter and what I’m building: Woodsy of Ben & Woods on 97.3 The Fan, Coach Jay at SD CAP Hitting, and Sameer Ahuja, President of GameChanger. The community around this keeps growing. Grateful.
And to all the moms out there — Happy Mother’s Day! ⚾🌸
—Tony
They sat there watching the USA Baseball video on YouTube waiting for his name to be called. It wasn’t. He and his dad were crushed.
I first heard the story at a USA Baseball tryout I attended with my son Alex earlier this year.
I recognized it because I know the kid the coach was talking about, and because it's one of those baseball stories that sticks with you.
A few weeks ago, I heard it again. This time from his dad, who emailed me after reading one of my essays.
“The truth is, no parent has it all figured out—at times, we’re all just winging it,” Matthew Rash said in his email, which he gave me permission to share here.
Baseball Parents: This will help you now before your next tournament. What to say before, during, and after games — and how to make better travel ball decisions. I’m hosting an online session May 27th built for you. Space is limited. Register here.
His son, James, and my son played together briefly a few years ago. They’ve always made a point of greeting each other at tournaments and Perfect Game events, including that Sunday morning a couple months ago on a high school field about 40 minutes north of San Diego.
“We’ve experienced plenty of highs and just as many lows, and I'm sure most parents feel the same,” Matthew wrote. “It’s tough to watch your kids work incredibly hard and not get the results they want, but it’s an important lesson that you don’t always get what you work for immediately.”
James’s dad compared baseball to a game-winning shot in basketball because the failure rate of each is off the charts. “It’s hard on us as parents because we want to see them succeed just as much as they do.”
He continued: “You might have heard Norm (Norm Hebert is the USA Baseball Coach from the tryout) mention this at the tryout: at one point, I thought James was one of the best catchers in the area. I watched him have an outstanding defensive tryout, only to struggle at the plate against the machine. It was a difficult moment. The hard work was there, but the rejection was tough. We watched the results on YouTube hoping to hear his name, and it never came.”
That’s the moment every parent runs into at some point.
Not the success.
The one where the work is there and the result isn’t—and your kid is looking at you for answers.
What we say in that moment matters. What we don’t say might matter more.
Some of us get that wrong. Really wrong. We react without a filter.
“I threatened to cancel his coaches,” is the response one dad left to a question in my Baseball Parent Survey that asked, What’s something you’ve said in the car after a game you wish you could take back?
I didn’t ask Matthew how he handled that moment because I knew the answer.
A lot of us don't respond like Matthew. We react. We project. We make a hard moment harder without meaning to. I've been there. I can feel the shift coming, hear what I'm about to say, and sometimes I catch it in time. Sometimes I don't.
“That moment sparked a fire in him to work even harder,” Matthew wrote. “Ultimately, we’ve learned to just enjoy the journey, wherever this baseball path takes us.”
His son didn’t make that 11u team, but the work he put in would pay off. He not only made the 12u team, he started behind the plate and that team won the national championship.
At the tryout I attended with my son earlier this year, Coach Norm (the USA Baseball NTIS Southwest Regional Director and a coach at the nationally ranked St. John Bosco High School in Los Angeles) told the parents that kids leave baseball in droves between the ages of 12 and 13 in part because of the pressure parents add.
“The game stops being fun,” he said.
At the end of the tryout, Coach Norm gathered all the boys in the infield and told them if they don’t advance to the next round not to view it as failure.
“It’s an opportunity,” he said. “Use it as fuel.”
It was the type of message you want to hear more of and it resonated with those kids, their eyes locked on Coach Norm.
Matthew was there that day. We spoke briefly after the tryout.
“Here’s the part people don’t say out loud,” his April 23rd email to me said. “If your kid feels judged every time they play, they’ll either shut down or stop enjoying it. And once the enjoyment goes, the development usually follows.
“So the goal isn’t just to make them better players, it’s to keep them in the game long enough.”
Long enough to get another shot.
###
Go Deeper
Some of you are dealing with issues that keep you up at night: Your kid can’t recover after an error. He doesn’t like his coach. He’s constantly checking GameChanger and comparing himself to his teammates. He wants to quit.
That’s what my one-on-one coaching sessions are for.
Visit my Stan Store to book a coaching session, email questions, order playbooks, or inquire about speaking.
I also put together a simple 2-minute script for the car ride home. I’ll send it to you when you subscribe. ↓
About Baseball Dad & PR Guy
Baseball Dad & PR Guy is a weekly newsletter about youth sports culture and how parents and coaches shape the experience for young athletes.
Subscribers also get what I use after games—what to say, and what to leave unsaid on the ride home.
My essays are built around the 5 Moments That Shape Young Ballplayers, from the nerves before a game to the car ride home.
From the stands, I write about those moments and what they mean for confidence, identity, and a kid’s love of the game.
Read more about the 5 Moments and why they matter.
⚾ Join the conversation: Travel Baseball Moms & Dads (Facebook)
⚾ Follow along: Tony Manolatos – Baseball Dad & PR Guy (Facebook)More at tonymanolatos.com